Nowhere in all of the reading I did while pregnant about the duties of a mother did it mention “bathroom referee.” Never is this more true than during a wave of illness, which we experienced this week. The urgency of my job as bathroom referee seems to have become my central daily duty.
As I sit here, my son is in the shower, using up every bit of steaming hot water in the hot water heater. This is a daily occurence. No sooner did I sit down to write than Lulu Grace decided that it was time for her to take a bath. I know that when Bass is out of the shower in 10 minutes, she will be ready to jump into the bathtub, only to learn that she has to wait another 30 minutes for any hot water. (Hmmmm, there goes her little voice now. “Mom, can I take a bath yet?” I’m going to attempt to put her off by telling her that I need to finish writing. If I tell her that Bass is using up all the hot water, WWIII will ensue!)
I love this old farmhouse. We have more rooms than I can count. It’s got lots of little nooks and crannies. We live on a beautiful piece of property with an awesome view of the lake. But somewhere in the grand scheme, whoever did the renovating, updating, and adding on forgot about the importance of the bathroom. The bathroom is the size of a small closet, and did I mention, there is only ONE!
Adding to the daily needs of the bathroom, our family seems to find their inspiration there as well. My best thinking is done in a bathtub full of bubbles. The bathroom is also where Lulu Grace writes her songs and sings them at full volume for long periods of time. The shower is Queenie’s stage. I truly believe as she sings in the shower that she sees a full orchestra in the bathroom with her. Bass does his reading here, for long periods of time. While I appreciate everyone’s need for this creativity, does it all really have to happen in the bathroom?
It is inevitable that just as I sink into my steamy bath, there is a knock on the door. I can announce for an hour beforehand that anyone who needs to use the bathroom should get it done. Doesn’t matter. If there is someone in the bathroom, someone else is sure to need it. Lulu Grace has also discovered the ultimate way to irritate everyone in the house. If someone announces that they are headed to the bathroom, she runs in and shuts the door behind her. She may not even need to use it, but the fear of not being able to use it sends her into a frenzy.
Christmas is 23 days away. Everyone’s lists have been written. This year Lulu Grace wishes for 2 front teeth. Bass is hoping for a PS3. Queenie wants a laptop. Jon is getting his trophy 10 point buck mounted. But I am putting everyone on notice right now! I will be watching for the smallest infractions to get them all added to the naughty list. There won’t be coal in the stocking either. They will instead be getting an outhouse and a steel tub. Then I will get my Christmas wish – a bathroom to myself and the title of bathroom referee removed from my job description.